About The Childless Stepmom

First you need to know that The Childless Stepmom is ME, not my purpose. I seek to reach all members in a blended family. Here’s why.

I originally created the “The Childless Stepmom” community to reach a little known sector of women who desperately could use the support – the childless stepmoms. I myself was a custodial childless stepmom and raised a child I did not create literally 100% of the time. Over time this blog and community grew into reaching everyone in a blended family and raising awareness about us. People in blended families are not few and far between and our issues are very real. I am here to share my own journey with you, and also to grow not only personally, but as a group. In order to do this, I need perspectives from everyone in a blended family. This is not just childless stepmoms….or biomoms…but also children who were / are in blended families (including adults who have a stepparent and can reflect on their experience from their childhood), teachers and therapists who work with blended families, single parents dealing with co-parenting in general and anyone else who can help us to see things from ALL angles, therefore humbling us in our role, and helping us become the best we can be.

I seek out all of these viewpoints specifically on my Facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/childlessstepmoms and I encourage you to join. You can also connect to me from one central location: http://www.thechildlessstepmom.com While there are resources available for blended families, this is a whole new level. More and more all members of this family model are speaking out and I myself, am doing so without reserve, especially for the ever-growing number of childless stepmoms.  We are a community of women who raise another man’s children but have no biological children of our own to draw experience from. We have endless amounts of studies, research, and advice available to us (in the form of general blended family concerns) that just doesn’t quite adequately fit our circumstance. This can leave us feeling unheard, unfulfilled and often times, only feeds our insecurities instead of helping us. There’s no real place for ‘our kind’ to voice our issues and find unbridled feedback that challenges us in a positive way. I’m out to change that. And although I am only in one very specific role, I’ve found a way to bring and hear concerns from all types of positions within this family type – NOT JUST THE CHILDLESS STEPMOM. In order to promote positive parenting and to beat those remarriage odds stacked up against us, I invite you to join the journey as well.  Sharing with others has helped me grow tremendously. Personal experience is incredibly powerful. Here is mine.

13 thoughts on “About The Childless Stepmom

  1. so far ive read the Childless by Choice – Your Opinion is Irrelevant blog & im hooked, youve got me! Im a 24yr old full-time nursing student, who is engaged to the love of my life & my bestfriend, who has three wonderful children. I myself am childless, and unsure if him and i will have a baby one day. for now im career driven and want to be happy “us” i love that part of your blog. Im onto my next blog & super excited to recieve your emails & continue as a part of this group! i think i need this =) thank you so much!

  2. Thank you. I admire you for your honesty and transparency where other women, more often than not, usually learn to “put up and shut up”. Like you, my approach to life in general is a genuine one and what you write resonates with me. Thanks again.

  3. Thank you so much for your wonderful blog! I can relate to you on so many levels, especially when I came across one of your blogs that mentioned dealing with the title of mommy situation. Realizing I’m not the only one who’s had to contend with the intense feelings it brought on – incredible love and guilt and fear (not to mention the bitterness and resentment that came from the counter-attack from bio mom) – made me sigh with relief; I couldn’t wait to show it to my husband!

    Again, thanks so much and keep ’em coming! I’m 28 and could use all the advice I can get (especially when it’s not preceded by “… but you knew he had kids when you got with him…”). Your blog is a lifesaver!

  4. I technically have children (7 month old twins) that I’m raising with 3 step children, and really appreciate the perspective you give. I have an idea of how I want my children and step children to be raised, but no actual experience to base that on. My husband and his ex didn’t really “parent” before the divorce and it’s been a challenge to drive changes for everyone with nothing but research to go off. Thank you for your perspective and honesty.

  5. I just found your blog and I think we may be soul sisters. I wish I would have had your blog when I was really in the trenches. I have two step-daughters ages 23 & 28. (They lived 100% of the time in our home since they were 10 & 14.) I am very grateful that they made me a mom, and gave me the opportunity to have those experiences, but at times it was far from perfect and even further from easy. Being a step-mom, without children of her own, I always seemed to “not fit”. So many people viewed me as not the “Mom”, but I was socially expected to be so much more. I felt like I was walking on egg shells so much of the time. My husband is a complete doll, and always made me feel like I was 100% their parent, but I still couldn’t silence the little voice in my head that said I would never be enough. Thank you for giving a voice to our little club. And, as a step-mom that has made it thought and by this wonderful experience is now a (very young) grandma…it’s all worth it! Thank you.

    • Kelly,
      I am really in the trenches right now one and a half years into the marriage. My husband sounds like yours,totally supportive of me, but still I am on egg shells often. I get along great with his younger son, which his mom is jealous of. And have a pretty good relationship with his young adult daughter from a different mom who I don’t really have to interact with. It is his son’s mom who is telling me I crossed her boundaries by asking him “please don’t interrupt your dad while he’s talking to the camp director” Apparently I am never supposed to reprimand him, no matter how gently. She blew a big fuse in public in the parking lot of the day camp open house. Embarrassing! I thought I was doing the right thing to invite her to come along, rather than enroll him in the camp without including her. Thanks for your testimony that I come out of the trenches eventually, hopefully kids unscathed.

  6. I am usually told that my feelings are “wrong” and alot of that comes from my spouse. I’ve been a childless stepmother for 23 years (my “girls” were 6 & 3 years old). Now that they are adult children with their own children…….being a childless step mother has reached another “height” and just when I thought I had it all figured out.

  7. Hi, I stumbled across your page while doing some soul searching. I am recently divorced and am now in a new relationship with a lovely man that has 2 wonderful children who have made me feel love like no other. in my past relationship we had been trying for a baby of our own, but the sound of little feet never came along (this was not the reason for the break up) My new partner has no desire to have more children and so I am coming to terms with the fact I will never be a bio-mum, so to read your words are filling me with hope that I will be enough and that I can move past the fact that I will never have my own.
    So a big thank you 🙂

  8. I have word of experience. If you are a young woman, and to decide to not have children because your partner doesn’t want more can set you up for hurt later on. I used to think that I was just like a mother to my step-daughters, but reailty is they have a mother. now that they are adults, they choose to spend holidays with her over their Dad (my husband). We usually get the day adter a major holiday, but it still hurts. Being a step mother is hard and some days…….I would not choose it for others.

    • soooo hard some days. yesterday was one for me. I don’t even want to be just like a mother to him or replace his mom. I just want his mom to acknowledge that i have a valid relationship with him and I should be allowed to speak to and interact with him, because when he’s in his dad’s (my husband’s) house, he’s also in my house and also spending time with me too. I can’t help that if we’re supposed to be trying to foster a sense of family between the three of us. Why would I ignore him and have him visit only his dad while he’s there?! Are we supposed to sit on my couch and not talk to each other? I cook his meals and do his laundry when he’s with us. I can’t be expected to do only the utilitarian, and ignore the relationship side of caring for my step-son.

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