Some People Won’t Get It

Along your journey you will find many well-meaning (and some not-so-well-meaning) individuals who have an opinion about your situation.

Try as we might, often times their opinions affect us, but they don’t help us. They don’t help us because they don’t get it. You’ll encounter PLENTY of people who, quite simply, don’t get it.

One of the most common things I hear from people is how many people don’t get it. They can’t relate and their ‘advice’ sends them backwards or at the very least frustrates them.

I’d like to share with you my rule, which is easier said than implemented : if they don’t know my heart I don’t take it to heart.

I still feel like I’ve been punched in the gut when someone waves their negative opinion around in front of me, especially if its misguided or unhealthy. It’s HARD to silence that. I’ve allowed myself to be vulnerable to thousands of strangers here and in doing so opened myself up to a great deal of criticism over the years. I stay at this because there are far more people who I believe I’m helping than are just here because they need a punching bag.

How do I maintain a thick skin? How do I keep moving forward? I do this because I keep a close group of warriors in my life who are always infusing me with truth, so everything must first pass through that truth filter. This is how we protect our hearts and remember our self worth. I am challenged as much as I’m encouraged, but I’m never fed lies. Nor does my circle allow me to sit in lies. We do this for each other because we get it. You want to surround yourself with people who get it, so you have the strength to keep climbing.

Some people don’t know how invalidating it is to hear, “you knew what you were getting into.”

But I do.

Some people don’t know what it’s like to be a stepmom, or a mom who’s been replaced.

But I do.

Some people don’t know that being an alienated parent means your soul is fighting through hell and you don’t want to get out of bed because half your heart is missing.

But I do.

Some people don’t understand that custody battles and parenting time schedules and simple communication is so freaking exhausting sometimes you just want to quit.

But I do.

Some people don’t understand domestic violence, emotional abuse, and fighting to stay afloat.

But I do.

Some people don’t understand how defeating it is to pour into your marriage and receive what feels like only mocking for your efforts.

But I do.

Some people don’t understand what it’s like to want a child so bad but be denied over and over.

But I do.

You see, there’s still a part of me that hurts when people don’t get it, but I stay tightly bonded to the ones that do, and set appropriate boundaries with the ones that don’t.

So the next time you’re feeling down because someone else just doesn’t get it – pour that energy into finding people who do. They will serve as a foundation of truth, self care and wisdom. You need this to be in relationship with others.

Don’t let people tatter your heart who don’t know your heart. They’re fighting their own battles and if they aren’t lifting you up, they shouldn’t be close anyway. There’s only so many seats at your table. Save them for those who are wise counselors and truth soldiers only.

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4 thoughts on “Some People Won’t Get It

  1. Fantastic…I need to print this one and hang it up….I only wish I had more warriors in my corner.
    This is what I sent to a fellow stepmom/warrior …thought I’d share my plight.
    the story I read was about the Halloween night and taking the stepdaughter out trick or treating and how the glance spoke…Love between smom and sdaughter. It made me sad because I did many things like that only to get rejected time and time again. I was thinking last night that I feel like I’m standing in a land mine….ever see the episode of mash….where hawk eye and radar walked into a land mine and they were frozen…didn’t know which direction to move for fear of stepping on the wrong spot? That’s my life….no matter which direction I take I get criticized and misjudged for my motives…….I know it is “their” problem…but it’s hard not to take things personally, when it comes from your beloved and the people you share a roof with….

  2. I would like to make a copy and post this! Super good reminder to us.
    the story I read was about recently was about a Halloween night and the step mom taking the stepdaughter out trick or treating and how the glance spoke…Love between smom and sdaughter. It made me sad because I did many things like that only to get rejected time and time again. I was thinking last night that I feel like I’m standing in a land mine….ever see the episode of mash….where hawk eye and radar walked into a land mine and they were frozen…didn’t know which direction to move for fear of stepping on the wrong spot? That’s my life….no matter which direction I take I get criticized and misjudged for my motives….happens all to often. I need a better support system like you talked about…

  3. Powerful words and great advice. It seems so weird to me when people say, “You knew what you were getting into.” How on earth could we know what we were getting into when this was a completely new experience? Makes no sense to me! I love your line, “If they don’t know my heart, I don’t take it to heart.” Your story is heartbreaking to me, but I can tell you have an incredible support system and that you are very strong. I wish you all the best!

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