I need you to know something. Today. Right now. If you’re reading this, you’re amazing and your blended family will be different than so many others. You’re in for bigger things than the majority of blended family members. You are NOT the majority. You have a fire in your soul that can’t be extinguished and you are going places. You may not think your “small” influence can do that, but I am telling you it can and it will. Do you know how I know? Because you’re reading this and because for every one of you trying, there are hundreds of others doing nothing, or worse, causing harm.
When I first started my blog, I had come a long way, but I was far from a stellar stepmom, parent, wife or woman. I wasn’t my best but damnit I was trying. I was searching. I refused to settle into a life of blended family misery and I knew it was going to take more effort than anything I’d ever attempted before. It’s EASY to settle, people do it every day. You literally have to do NOTHING to settle. Life’s changes may move you but you can fit comfortably into complacency in each new season.
I’ve said from the beginning I don’t need a million followers, I only need committed ones. If that means I am never well known, or only a small percentage of the blended family world reads my work, I am okay with that. As long as the ones that join me on my journey are committed to more. I realized recently how relatively small my following was. I say relatively small in the fact that the internet has a huge amount of users, and if 50% of marriages are ending in divorce these days, it seems that at least some of them may want some support, right?
Now, I recognize the very obvious fact that my name suggests I am only interested in one very specific category of person on the planet – the childless stepmom. I graduated with a degree in marketing, so I know all about what it takes to market properly. For funsies, I decided to check out some other Facebook pages for blended families – pages with far more generic and seemingly welcoming to all types of people… their followings are of similar size, if not smaller.
So what gives?
Content. Purpose. And the market. The pages that are loudest, most dramatic, and exude the most negativity….those have some of the biggest followings of all. And I’m not just talking about blended family topics. I’m talking about in general. Have you ever noticed how many people LOVE to complain?
THEY NEVER STOP. It’s always someone else’s fault. They are obsessed with their negativity. It enraptures every ounce of them. They are so full of hate and complaints that you actually just feel bad for them and wonder – do you REALLY not know there’s another way??
But not you. You know my content will be real, and not always pretty but it won’t ever be like that. It will be the place where you get encouragement, hard questions, and real struggle with intent other than staying stuck in our own misery.
There’s a place to vent, and I won’t ever take that away from anyone. But how long are you going to be the person who gets screwed without letting it change you for the better? Or how long are you going to be the person to make rain and cry about getting drenched in life?
You see, I believe there are many many more people on the planet looking to better their situation, but they haven’t found me or someone else who can help them yet. More importantly the majority of what’s shoved in their face online is negative. People spewing hate like it’s their job are abundant and the ones looking to really find peace are lost in the shuffle. People NEED to know there is another way. They need to know that the journey I’ve taken isn’t BS, it isn’t for show and it can be taken by ANYONE.
That brings me back to you. I swore as I got bigger I would not change for anyone. I would remain authentic. I would not compromise my mission, or my work to make others comfortable. And I still won’t. I will continue to help people along their journeys who WANT to be helped. I will continue to show people that the only way to peace is to be the bigger person. Slinging mud won’t cut it and you’re better than that. We all are.
I am always faced with people who probably want help in some way, but it’s masked with extreme hate, anger and it’s an uphill battle talking to them. They aren’t in a place yet where they understand the strongest ones are those who forgive. The strongest ones are those who are patient. The strongest ones are those who make their own worth GENUINE instead of trying to make themselves look better by cutting others down.
And then I’m contacted constantly by those people who know they need to change but don’t know how. They may not even fully understand that the journey to fixing any situation starts with fixing themselves, but they are trying. They work hard and they give real effort into being positive and strong. Negative and weak is easy. Is that who you want to be?
As a refresher, I will never veer from the following positions:
– Being humble does not prove you’re weak, it proves you’re wise
– Confidence is NEVER loud and it is NEVER rude
– Forgiveness isn’t about them, it’s about you
– I went on a life changing journey – that started by looking in the mirror. That takes ZERO fault away from anyone else. It did however make me a stronger, wiser, better woman. And the journey will never stop.
Again, your blended family will be different, and I said I could prove it. Here’s how.
Since I have never watered myself down for this online group, you know what you’re getting when you come here. When you visit my page, and when you read my blogs, you know it’s going to be truthful, inspiring and sometimes hard to read. But you keep reading. You keep coming back. You keep reaching out. And you keep trying. And that’s how I know you’re incredible, you’re different and you are stronger than so many others. That’s how I know that your blended family will be different than so many others just because ONE person cared enough to try and make a difference, even if it was ONLY to better themselves. But by changing you, it causes a ripple effect through everything you touch. You may not believe me, but it’s true. Negativity breeds negativity.
What are you breeding?
I need you to know today your counterparts are out there everyday, pathetically bashing behind a keyboard. They are in their misery circles. They are endlessly complaining. They are obsessed with their own negativity and it’s taken over their entire lives.
You? You’re not them. You’re finding your way to better things. You’re doing very scary work. You’re loving, you’re growing and you’re doing it without apology. And it’s NOT about competing with others. But I can promise you in the peace competition, you will ultimately win.
I made The Childless Stepmom for me to grow and share my story. But it’s gone way beyond that. The Childless Stepmom is for all of you, every single person who has ever been touched by a blended family. I do this for you. I do this so you know you don’t have to be a mean, spiteful, hate-filled mess. There are other choices. So every day you keep getting back up to be better, and keep walking with me, you are amazing, you are different and you are set so far apart from the others.
I am only one person. I am just a woman who wants more for her life and has big crazy dreams and goals but I am a person who lived to tell the tale of getting better and living fuller and I will never go back. I am so thankful that you’ve joined me, and for what it’s worth, as someone you don’t even know, I am SO proud of you.
You’re doing what so many other people wish they could do, but they don’t have the guts; face themselves, remove hatred, and try to make their blended family beautiful.
You don’t have to be a hateful mess to succeed as a stepmother. That has the opposite effect. You don’t have to be a jealous raging biological mother. It doesn’t make you better than anyone. You don’t have to be a father who slumps back and let’s the two duke it out. Step up, you have responsibilities too. In fact, these TIRED OLD PLAYED OUT BEHAVIORS only cement the stereotypes. Stop masking insecurity with loud dramatic outburts. Look in the mirror. Try harder. Find that which pisses you off and let it change you. Do you realize how much power is in that? Letting your anger change you instead of destroy you? Because that’s what happens every time you get worked up. You get a choice. You have the power to choose what it does to you. It’s doing something to you whether or not you want to admit it.
I’m on a mission to make beautiful healthy blended families. Will you help me? If you know someone, like you, who could use the encouragement, tell them there are places they can go for help. Rants are nice, I’ve had a great many. But they won’t fix your soul.
Today I not only want to thank you for coming this far with me, but I want to point out how amazing you are.
I’m not suggesting we can’t ever be down. We will be. I’m not suggesting we never complain. We have to. I’m not suggesting we never vent, cry, want to quit, say mean things, hold onto anger, withhold forgiveness or have bad days. But I am suggesting that parking there is settling. It’s settling on mediocre. It’s settling on misery. It’s settling on insane repetitive behavior that keeps us stuck and wondering why we’re miserable. Misery loves company. Some people just talk about it and never move. That’s settling.
Settling is simple. And you are anything but simple.