We’ve all heard it. Some of us more than others. Someone gets their feelings hurt, or perhaps, just feels slighted in some way, and their retort is “I don’t give a f—“. While I believe there are people who truly feel that way, I believe more importantly that it’s a cover up. It makes us feel better to say this because then we’re the bad ass and can’t be touched. YOU can’t possibly get to me, I have my FU shield up and therefore, nothing you say or do really matters.
Roughly a year ago, I started this journey. And what a difference a year makes. We are literally headed in a completely different direction than we were, as a family, one year ago. I have changed so astronomically from when I began this blog, I honestly even shocked myself. Over this past year, I have learned a great deal about others, but mostly I have learned a great deal about myself. I have been praised, I have been put down. I have dealt with people who have given the most beautiful, kind, uplifting words to me, and then there are those….who couldn’t be more ignorant.
Ignorance is not a crime, but it certainly does a great deal of damage. I believe the I don’t give a f%$# mentality is on many levels, pure ignorance. You may be the type who just truly doesn’t care what other people think of you, and that is your right. That IS powerful and positive in some respects because the opinions of others should NOT dictate your behavior or your self worth. However, while all of us have different backgrounds and different stories, I’d argue heavily that we are the same on MANY levels. One in particular? The issue of how we are viewed by other people. Be it our in-laws, our step-children, society as a whole, etc. The judgments are vast and they follow us.
I have done a spectacular amount of personal growth since I began this journey, and I don’t intend for it to stop, ever. Once I opened the box to what ‘personal best’ really looked like, and saw for myself it is DAILY work, I realized I can’t stop when I know I can be better, I can do better. This is not about never being content or happy, it is about knowing you can do better, try harder, be more. That being said, it is so easy to just not give a F about what anyone says or does. F them, you think and say and perhaps, BELIEVE.
But the one thing I learned the most in the past year was this. It’s not about what other people say about you or do to you that matters, it’s the response it evokes from you. When someone says something nasty to you, the easy response is I dont give a F. And maybe, you really dont. Maybe their opinion is so literally worthless in your eyes that you dont take it for any more than a few words that can’t faze you. BUT what if the words sting? What if they are truly painful? What if what someone does, how they live their life, what they say, etc, is truly bothering you?
I learned when those times come, I don’t lean on “I don’t give a F”, I lean on “what is this trying to teach me about myself?” We all have an ego to battle with: our own. When is it appropriate to leave well enough alone? When is it appropriate to voice our concerns or shut our mouths? These are questions we wrestle with.
But I’d like to challenge you today, as I am constantly challenging myself. I DO GIVE A F. I give it hard core. I give it to the things that deserve my “F” because I have learned to listen to my own soul so intensely, that when something or someone is able to light any kind of spark inside me, it’s not to be ignored with a flippant, ‘just dont give a f’. They may not deserve my tears, my anger, or even my response, but their evocation deserves my attention. Even if only because I know it is meant to teach me something about myself.
Words hurt. Opinions held by others can become dark looming clouds. I take them seriously. Not because I must live in a box created by others, but because if it hurts me, I must figure out why. I TRULY believe in this context, in this quote that I see floating around often, “When you’re living your life without giving a F you’re only living a lie”. I will continue to live genuinely, at all costs. Now that I know what that looks like, I can never go back to the person or way that I was. It is scary at times, and not always well received by others. But being someone else’s version of acceptable is simply unacceptable. You were put here for a purpose. Being compliant so others can be comfortable, is not that purpose. BUT don’t waste a moment of your life thinking you’re going to have valuable relationships blowing off everyone in your path because they don’t fit YOUR vision. Those that truly are meant to be in your life will be there. I now know that more than I can put into words. But if you’re committed to being your best, to living genuinely, you must expect that of those in your circle as well. Do not shy away from those who challenge you and cry out “I dont give a F”. I know most of you do, as I do. It’s not about letting others consume you, it’s about using them to help you grow and vice versa.
When someone says something that stings, don’t shy away from it, don’t let it overwhelm you, use it to help yourself become a better version of you. Life is all about growing and learning. Those who live by the I dont give a F, generally are the ones who refuse change. They refuse to apologize. They refuse to take responsibility. They only do so in the most shallow form. It’s not deeply meant from their soul because their ego stops it from changing their heart and allowing them to be different. Don’t be that person. It’s okay to feel, it’s okay to give a F. But remember who you are and why you matter. Give your F to something in the RIGHT way. Don’t do it to appease others, and don’t do it because you think you’re 2 feet tall. Do it because it will help you grow and give you strength. Once you admit your faults, no one can use them against you.